Time Has Wings

Can someone cut time's wings?  It is going by super fast.

Evan Esar once said, "[It] changes with time: in youth, time marches on; in middle age, time flies; and in old age, time runs out."

Ain't that the truth?

When the girls were still very young, people would give me all sorts of advice.  Some advice was quite helpful, while others, not so much.  The one I remember the most is, "Savor and enjoy this time while they are young.  It goes by way too fast."   In the midst of 3am feedings, stubborn toddlers, and potty training, I could have smacked that person offering their so-called words of wisdom.  I couldn't wait until they were a bit older.  If I could just get through the teething.  If I could just get through the potty training.  If I could just get through the tantrums...  And a myriad of other things that I just hunkered down to just get through.

Yet now, as I look back at when my girls were tiny, I miss those stages.  Now, when I remember the struggles of raising toddlers, I don't remember the struggles as much as I remember the fun times.   The squishy hugs, the wet kisses, the crooked smiles, the hand drawn pictures, the giggles inside blanket forts, seeing the look wonderment in their eyes as they experience things for the first time, and so many other beautiful things that only the really young can bring.  That time flew by so fast.  I understand now what people were talking about.  They weren't stupid, they were speaking from experience.

I feel that this must be why grandparents are better at parenting - they have been there, done that, and miss it.  They don't mind the little messes the young ones create.  It brings to mind all the memories of a happy time that they didn't get to fully appreciate or fully experience due to the daily demands of life.

My mom once said she would take a roomful of 2 year olds than a room full of teenagers.  I now understand.  Don't get me wrong, I love my teenaged kids with all my heart.  They bring me joy beyond imagination.  Yet during the troubling teenage angst of my kids, I can't help but long for simpler times: Which Blues Clues video to watch? Which baby food to try today?   Yet even still, I will try my best not to let the moments now go by too quickly.  Soon enough, they will have grown up, moved out, and start their own families.

Time does fly.  We cannot clip its wings.  We just hang on for the ride and try not to miss the little moments in the now, for those will be big memories in the future.

Counting Down

I am looking at the clock
trying to turn away
but its hands keep pulling
at my eyes with each tick
and tock

I try not to dwell
on the little time left
until I relive
the shattering moments
of my personal hell

My eyes are dry
I can not blink
but I feel it swelling
up from my heart
and out my eyes

Tears now fall
from the creases
of my eyes
from while I sit
alone, in a stall

My insides churn
my bowels break
memories don't fade
like they're supposed to
instead they burn

Up comes my pain
out of my mouth
it spews
years of love
gone down the drain

I stand and swear
to no one I can see
"How can I tell the girls?"
I shout
my fist rising in the air

The clock is not at fault
yet it
I want to blame
for stealing my time
from my life's vault

Twenty-seven
years is too young
to die and leave me
and my precious girls
to go to heaven