Time Has Wings

Can someone cut time's wings?  It is going by super fast.

Evan Esar once said, "[It] changes with time: in youth, time marches on; in middle age, time flies; and in old age, time runs out."

Ain't that the truth?

When the girls were still very young, people would give me all sorts of advice.  Some advice was quite helpful, while others, not so much.  The one I remember the most is, "Savor and enjoy this time while they are young.  It goes by way too fast."   In the midst of 3am feedings, stubborn toddlers, and potty training, I could have smacked that person offering their so-called words of wisdom.  I couldn't wait until they were a bit older.  If I could just get through the teething.  If I could just get through the potty training.  If I could just get through the tantrums...  And a myriad of other things that I just hunkered down to just get through.

Yet now, as I look back at when my girls were tiny, I miss those stages.  Now, when I remember the struggles of raising toddlers, I don't remember the struggles as much as I remember the fun times.   The squishy hugs, the wet kisses, the crooked smiles, the hand drawn pictures, the giggles inside blanket forts, seeing the look wonderment in their eyes as they experience things for the first time, and so many other beautiful things that only the really young can bring.  That time flew by so fast.  I understand now what people were talking about.  They weren't stupid, they were speaking from experience.

I feel that this must be why grandparents are better at parenting - they have been there, done that, and miss it.  They don't mind the little messes the young ones create.  It brings to mind all the memories of a happy time that they didn't get to fully appreciate or fully experience due to the daily demands of life.

My mom once said she would take a roomful of 2 year olds than a room full of teenagers.  I now understand.  Don't get me wrong, I love my teenaged kids with all my heart.  They bring me joy beyond imagination.  Yet during the troubling teenage angst of my kids, I can't help but long for simpler times: Which Blues Clues video to watch? Which baby food to try today?   Yet even still, I will try my best not to let the moments now go by too quickly.  Soon enough, they will have grown up, moved out, and start their own families.

Time does fly.  We cannot clip its wings.  We just hang on for the ride and try not to miss the little moments in the now, for those will be big memories in the future.

Way to a Teenage Boy's Heart

Ok, so I may be a bit sneaky, but isn't that what being a mother is all about?

This afternoon, Lily and I went riding bikes around the neighborhood. There was a snow cone stand at the Terry's house and so we rode home, got money, and went back to get a snow cone. Justin came with us this time. While we were enjoying our snow cones in the shade of a cottonwood tree, Courtney told me that they were having night games at her house tonight. I have no idea what night games are, but the youth in ward are really into them. I figure it is soooo much better than them out doing things they shouldn't. She told me that Nathan was invited.

To say that Nathan is not fond of Courtney is a huge understatement. But I knew that Layne (Nathan's best friend and Courtney's neighbor) would be in attendance and Nathan would want to hang out with Layne. I told Nathan that they were having night games at Layne's house. Yes, I fibbed, but what was I to do? Nathan is completely content sitting on his rocker chair playing video games until his eyes pop out and his brain is fried. I am convinced that left to his own devices, his 14 year old self would be found in a Hot Pocket overload stupor, pushing ABAABBAAXXY on the controller for the killing shot.

He also recently got his time limited on the weekends because Bill and I realized that Justin is more than happy to go outside and play when the day is nice; Nathan will just lay there if he can't play (that is a story for another time). Nathan began to protest when I told him about the night games, but I reassured him that he would have fun and he needs to be a bit more social.

Well, while he was playing the Xbox 360, he was chatting with Layne and found out that it wasn't going to be at Layne's house, but at Courtney's backyard. He grumbled and I reminded him it isn't like I am forcing him to go to a church dance. He mumbled something about it being just as bad. I reminded him that I was making cookies for him to take over.

I made 5 dozen of my awesome chocolate chip cookies. I bagged a single dozen for Brother Terry for helping me out a few months ago with some yard stuff and I was letting the rest of the cookies cool on the counter. Nathan walks in and I see him eyeballing both the bagged and cooling cookies.

"Uh, which ones are for me to take?" he asked.

"The ones that I haven't bagged yet. The ones in the bag are from Brother Terry," I explained.

Nathan breathed out excitement, "YES! That's a lot of cookies!!"

I bagged the rest of the cookies and we set off to Layne's house. He and I came to a compromise that he would meet up with Layne at his house so they could walk over to Courtney's together. He held the two full plates of cookies and was smiling at the thought of ripping into them like a lion on an antelope (ok, bad analogy).

Right before I dropped him off, he asked me what he should do with the cookies: should he wait until they are at Courtney's house or if he and Layne (and Layne's brothers) could snarf them all up first. I told him I didn't care and he got that sly grin. So who knows what he will do, but I am sure I will hear all about it when he gets home. I also made sure he had his cell phone so he can call us if he needs to.

Speaking of home, he asked me when he had to be home. I told him I didn't care because I trust him. He just looked at me weird. I told him that he probably will end up coming home before 11. So we will see. As he was getting out of the car, he smiled and told me that if he didn't have fun that it was my fault. I laughed and told him that his attitude will determine if he has fun or not. He just grinned and closed the door.

So I tricked Nathan (ok, kind of forced him to be social) to go hang out with other kids in our ward that are his age. Sometimes being a parent means having to steer kids and push them in the direction they need to go.... so if using a little trickery works, so be it. One day he will understand - I hope. :) If not, then at least he got to eat a bunch of cookies.

Lesson from my Mom

This morning I was thinking of my mom and all the many things she has taught me. I truly believe I wouldn't be half the person I am today without her loving guidance.

I think back to when I was about 14 or 15 and my family was living in Corona, CA. My friends and I used to go roller skating all the time. We hung out with the 'regulars' when we went. There was one in particular named Glenn. He was 30 and single. Now as naive young teens, my friends and I thought nothing of it. We would jump in his car and go to Del Taco or where ever. I always got the front seat while all the rest of the kids were crammed in the back seat like a clown car. Once in a while I would share my front seat throne with one of them. Most times it was just me. I felt extra special. I thought that Glenn was a nice friend.

My brother and I even went to his house for a New Year's Eve party. That is where I tried my first Oreo dipped in salsa. Yes, it tastes just as gross as it sounds. We had a blast over there. His house was the cool house - we could throw a ball in the house if we wanted. There weren't the regular rules at his house that most people had at theirs.

Things were going seamlessly great. That is until my mom found out that our friend Glenn wasn't our age or anywhere near it. She laid down the lay: we were not allowed to hang out with Glenn or talk to him on the phone. I was furious that she wouldn't let me talk or hang out with him. I told her she was crazy. I probably said a few choice words to her as well. Nothing shook her determination to let me see him. She stood firm and I was angry. She was the meanest and dumbest mom on the planet.

She wouldn't let me go to the skating rink anymore because he might be there. How dare she keep me from my friends! Not long after, I moved out of state to live with my aunt's family for a while. It was hard saying goodbye to all my friends but we promised to keep in touch. "Keeping in touch" rarely sticks. People drift apart and life gets in the way. Sometimes years go by before you see or talk to that person again, if at all.

Thankfully one of my good friends, Rachel, and I did keep in partial contact. We would talk on the phone together. She would update me on all the happenings of our friends and such.

One of the times we spoke, she told me of an experience that happened with her, Dianna, and Glenn. I remember hearing her speak the words but my brain's jaw dropped. I couldn't believe what I was hearing. Even later after I hung up the phone, the details were still foggy because of the shock factor. From what I recall, somehow Rachel, Dianna, and Glenn ended up in Las Vegas in a hotel room! Dianna and Rachel had to call the cops on Glenn. Rachel was either crying or very emotional in her tone of voice that I couldn't understand the rest of the details.

Even though that is all I can remember, the thought that it could have been ME in a hotel room with a 30 year old man scares me half to death! My mom was right when she was suspicious of a 30 year old single male hanging around a bunch of teenagers at a teen hangout.

I am truly grateful for my mom caring about me and standing her ground. Even though I was very mad at her when she did it, I am very relieved that she made me cut all ties to that man. She was trying to protect me and I am glad she did. She taught me that did have best interest at heart.