The End of the Boycott

I have long boycotted Herbal Essence products. Their commercials are perverse – the lady in the shower is washing her hair while moaning and carrying on as if she is having an orgasm. I remember the first time I saw the commercial; I sat there shocked at the appalling and degrading advertisement. I know that sex sells products, but these products are aimed toward females and not men. Such a commercial would be very appealing to a man.

If you read one of my previous blogs, I mentioned that my girls and I got our hair cut and I wanted to keep us from getting split ends. I perused the shampoo and hair care aisle and found, much to my dismay, an Herbal Essence product for just those needs. I considered buying it – walking back and forth down the aisle looking for similar products from a different company. After many inner debates, and no luck finding another leave-in conditioner with split end prevention product, I reached up high and pulled it off the shelf. Hoping it would smell gross and detour me from placing it in my cart, I unscrewed the lid and took a whiff. Great, it smelled wonderful – like raspberries. I sighed and put it in my cart.

I walked away, justifying that it since it wasn’t shampoo that it would be morally and ethically okay to buy it. Deep down, I was hoping that it wouldn’t work well and I could have an excuse to never buy their products again. That is, until two nights ago.

Bill and I were up late Sunday night watching the last two episodes of “Charmed Season Four” and when we were finished, it was 1 AM and technically Monday. We needed milk for the morning, so we jumped in the van and drove to Wal-Mart. It was chilly outside but as soon as the automatic doors swished open, warm air whooshed out and made me feel all toasty again. Along with the air caressing my skin, I could smell the salivating scent of baking bread. I am on a diet and that is the last thing I needed. To satisfy my cravings, I wandered through the bakery and breathed in as much of the intoxicating smell. Bill and I giggled as we looked at some of the cakes. I always look at the cakes when I go into stores with bakeries. That is because I am always on the lookout for a cake wreck.

We meandered through the store just looking at stuff. It is easier to shop without kids demanding things or whining when we tell them, “No!” Bill and I discussed that Nathan and Rebekah needed better shampoo since their hair gets oily way too fast. For Rebekah, I found an Aussie shampoo that helps get out the grease. For Nathan, we found a nice, manly shampoo from Axe that does the same thing. I needed some more shampoo and having already succumbed to the allure of Herbal Essence products, I figured it wouldn't hurt to just look at their shampoos. My eyes rolled up and down as I took in shelf after shelf of Herbal Essence products. I gingerly picked up the Long Term Relationship kind of Herbal Essence and pushed open the bottle top. It smelled just as heavenly as the leave-in conditioner I bought before. I grabbed a matching conditioner and placed them in my cart and scurried out of the aisle before my better sense came back.

I snickered as I showed Bill what I put in the cart. He didn't seem too impressed or seem to care. I told him that since it is 5 bucks a bottle, I should buy some body wash so I don't use my shampoo anymore (I used to use shampoo as my body wash as well). We made our way to the body wash aisle and had there been an Herbal Essence body wash, I am certain I would have purchased it. I popped open all sorts of body washes, smelling each one. One of the bottles I squeezed a little too hard and ended up with body wash up my nose. I made a joke to Bill about it even though there was a Wal-Mart employee stocking (and refixing the bottles I mussed up) the body wash right there next to me. I may be on the obnoxious side at times (shut up!) but had someone said that near me, I would have laughed. He just looked at me like I was snorting it to get a high. I found a luxurious body wash with a raspberry scent to match my hair care products and got the heck out of that aisle to get away from the banal employee. A few aisle over, I overheard a different employee speaking to another employee say, as he stocked the medicine aisle, "Hey, this one comes with an applicator!" I couldn't resist and chimed in, "What, the enemas?" The guy looked up at me, grinned really wide and responded, "Guess I set myself up for that one." At least this guy had a sense of humor - he partially restored my faith in people that work at Wal-Mart having a sense of humor, because let's face it, the fabric counter women have the personality of a walnut.

As we were finishing our shopping experience, I kept glancing at the forbidden products in the cart. Guilt was starting to win over my temporary euphoria of the pleasant smelling shampoo so I needed to get out of the store as soon as possible!

The next day, after a good workout, I couldn't wait to try the new stuff. Part of me was hoping that I would not like the shampoo so I wouldn't have to buy it ever again.

I turned the shower on and soon the bathroom was filled with a thick mist of moist air. I undressed and entered the shower, clutching the new products. I snapped open the shampoo, squeezed a good glob onto my hands and smelled the lovely scent. Closing my eyes and feeling the hot sting of water droplets pounding my back, I slathered the raspberry concoction into my hair and the scent filled my lungs. Without any warning, as I lathered my hair, I heard a slight moaning noise that then turned into "ooooo-ing". I opened my eyes and recognition hit: that the moaning was coming from me! I tittered as I realized how lame it was that I was actually enjoying the shampoo, albeit not as much as the commercial lady, but still loving the satiny feel and the aroma.

After rinsing the shampoo, I proceeded to use the conditioner. The conditioner was the highlight of the two products. I didn't want to experience to end, so I let the conditioner hang out for a while longer while I tried the new body wash. By the time I was done washing, I was covered from head to toe in raspberry bliss. But like all good things, they must come to an end. So what was is this girl to do? I prolonged the fruity intoxication a bit longer by reading the labels. I was always good at making things take longer than necessary: hitting the snooze button a couple extra times, saving my Halloween candy, etc. You get the picture. They is why reading labels was perfect. I reasoned that reading labels is a priority and not to be taken lightly. There might be important information that I was unaware of and must be made known to me as to be a better consumer.

I burst out laughing when I read the body wash warning, "If contact occurs, rinse with clean, warm water." Thank heaven for that warning - I wouldn't know what to do if contact with body wash occurred.

I was clean - washed with the fruit of the gods - and then had a good laugh at someone's stupid warning, that it was time to end my indulgence and rinse my hair. I was sad when I turned off the water but cheered up when I realized, I had the next day to re-pamper myself.

All was well in my world.